March 01, 2010
COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE MAY BE YOUR BEST OPTION:
If the following values are important to you, a collaborative divorce may be your best option:
- I want to maintain the tone of respect, even when we disagree.
- I want to prioritize the needs of our children.
- My needs and those of my spouse require equal consideration, and I will listen objectively.
- I believe that working creatively and cooperatively solves issues.
- It is important to reach beyond today's frustration and pain to plan for the future.
- I can behave ethically toward my spouse.
- I choose to maintain control of the divorce process with my spouse, and not relegate it to the courts.
February 22, 2010
FOUR DIVORCE MEDIATION MYTHS:
With multiple divorce process options from which to choose, it’s not difficult for divorcing spouses in Fairfax, and throughout Northern Virginia, to become confused. Marc Fleisher, a New York attorney, in his blog, helps to clear up some of the myths, at least regarding divorce mediation:
That you and your spouse have to be "amicable" to succeed in mediation. Not so, unless you are so angry you cannot sit in the same room, much less listen to what the other person has to say, a competent mediator can handle a high level of discord.
That you need to be in basic agreement about the issues before you mediate. Mediation is a dispute resolution "process." It presupposes conflict.
Choosing mediation means forsaking lawyers. It is a different relationship to lawyers. Instead of retaining them as surrogate negotiators to "handle" your settlement for you, you use them as consultants on an "as needed" basis.
That the only alternative to mediation is litigation. Collaborative Divorce, in which each spouse retains a collaborative lawyer, is intended for people who are drawn to the concept of mediation, but for whatever reason do not feel comfortable, without the support of a lawyer present in the room, who will advocate for them, without being adversarial, and without even threatening to go to court.
February 15, 2010
AMY KALES’ NOTE REGARDING THE INTERCOUNTRY ADOPTION ACT OF 2000 MAINTAINS ITS RELEVANCE:
Amy Kales’ note, The Intercountry Adoption Act: Are Its Laudable Goals Worth Its Potential Impact on Small Adoption Agencies, Independent Intercountry Adoptions and Ethical Independent Adoption Professionals?, 36 Geo. Wash. J. Int'l L. & Econ. (2004), continues to be relied upon by authors of articles in scholarly legal publications. A recent Google scholar search revealed 17 such citations, including in the Vanderbilt Journal of Transnational Law and the Emory International Law Review.
February 8, 2010
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF AN ATTORNEY TRIES TO CONVINCE YOU NOT TO DO A COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE?:
Some Northern Virginia divorce attorneys try and steer their clients away from Collaborative Law as a divorce process option. Dick Price, a Texas attorney, in his blog, provides some helpful questions to ask if you encounter such a lawyer:
- Has the attorney had at least one 2-day basic training in Collaborative Law? Tip -- the more training the attorney has had, the better (for you). If the attorney hasn't been to a 2-day basic training, don't waste your time with him/her.
- Has the attorney had any Collaborative training recently? Recent training is always good. Some attorneys went to a basic training years ago and have never worked on a Collaborative case. A lack of experience combined with outdated training results in bad advice for you.
- How many Collaborative cases has the attorney handled? If there haven't been any and the attorney is trying to talk you out of using Collaborative Law, you should move on.
February 1, 2010
EXPERTS IN DIVORCE MEDIATION:
Daniela Schilling, a divorce mediator and attorney, in a recent blog article, describes how experts are utilized in mediation. While Ms. Schilling practices in California, what she tells us is much like what we see in Northern Virginia divorce mediations:
In divorce mediation, experts take on a different role. Usually, the mediator will notice that an expert opinion might be helpful to the negotiations and point this out to you. If both of you agree, the mediator will explain the process of getting an expert involved.
Many mediators have worked with experts before and can provide you with a list of names. Sometimes, you might already know a professional both of you trust. For example, you might be in need of a tax consultant to make a decision about the tax consequences of your divorce. You can agree to use your accountant who has prepared your tax returns in the past.
Once you agree on a professional, both of you will hire him or her and usually you will share the costs. Just like the mediator, the expert will be neutral and help you understand the information. S/he will provide an objective opinion and explain different options available to you. In most situations, the expert’s opinion will be advisory only and you can decide whether to accept it and use it in your negotiations or not. Couples, who find themselves at an impasse, sometimes decide to make the professional’s opinion binding in order to resolve the impasse and move on.
Examples of professionals often consulted in divorce mediation are 1) accountants for tax issues and the valuation of marital property and pension plans; 2) real estate appraisers; 3) financial advisers for future financial planning; 3) and attorneys. Other professionals that might prove useful are child psychologists, business appraisers, career counselors, and vocational trainers.
January 25, 2010
HOW DOES THE COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE PROCESS WORK IN FAIRFAX COUNTY?:
In Fairfax County, as well as the rest of Northern Virginia, the entire collaborative process is centered around a series of four-way meetings. These meetings are generally limited to the attorneys and parties, but can include neutral experts, depending on the complexity of the case. This forum allows both attorneys to work with the parties to avoid impasse, focus on interest-based, as opposed to positional, negotiation and provide feedback on various issues that arise. This is not to say the whole process is necessarily pleasant, but rather the parties are supported to work through hard issues as they arise.
In general, the four-way meetings are scheduled for a few hours at a time, as any longer usually leads to tired parties and attorneys and to a lack of focus. The frequency and number of meetings is very case-specific. At the end of every four-way, the attorneys and parties plan the next meeting, including the agenda and any homework that needs to be completed.
All negotiation takes place in four-way meetings. During the lulls between meetings, the lawyers work with their clients to prepare for the next meeting, and do any homework that needs to be completed prior to the next meeting.
This tip stems, and is adapted from, a recent article in the Oregon State Bar’s Family Law Newsletter.
January 18, 2010
WHAT IF YOUR SPOUSE DOESN'T WANT TO DO A COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE?:
Dick Price, a Texas attorney, in his blog, provides some strategies for dealing with this situation:
1. Try to find out the reason or reasons for the objection to Collaborative Divorce.
Once you understand that, you may be able to come up with reasons to overcome the concerns.
2. Be sensitive to the need to avoid the appearance of pressuring your spouse.
Sometimes that alone will make your position unacceptable to your spouse. A spouse may believe if you want something, it must be bad for them. Try to promote your suggestion in a way that appeals to your spouse.
3. Try to explain the benefits of the process from your spouse's point of view.
Some of the following may appeal to your spouse:
- Avoiding public exposure by meeting and discussing matters in private.
- Having control over the outcome.
- Keeping financial records private.
- Ensuring the negotiations are held on a level playing field. Expert guidance is available to help eliminate the advantage of more knowledge or experience with some issues.
- Avoiding the duplicate expenses of having competing experts for property appraisals or business valuations.
- Encouraging creative new solutions, instead of the statutory guidelines or minimums.
- Focusing on planning for the future.
January 11, 2010
UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA SCHOOL OF LAW OFFERS CLINIC FOCUSED ON MEDIATION AND COLLABORATION:
The University of Virginia School of Law, for the first time, this academic year, offers a clinic designed to help families resolve divorce, custody, visitation and support issues, through mediation and collaboration.
“All year long, students are going to be given opportunities to observe mediations and collaborative practice cases, and to actually participate in those,” clinic instructor Richard Balnave said. He further offered, “we’re going to have people who really want to have an amicable dissolution of the relationship and that’s going to be really satisfying for our students to work on — Family Law to help people through that difficult time,” he said.
“Even for students who are not planning to go on to family law, they’ve learned the skills,” clinic instructor Kimberly Emery added. “They’ve also seen how one type of alternative dispute resolution may be better than another.”
January 04, 2010
JONATHAN KALES ELECTED TO BOARD OF COLLABORATIVE PROFESSIONALS OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA:
Jonathan Kales was recently elected to a two year term as treasurer of the Collaborative Professionals of Northern Virginia. He looks forward to serving in this role and to furthering CPNV’s goal of facilitating our clients' transitions to healthy separations and divorces, without the use of the court system.
