News, Tips and Information
<< Previous

March 12, 2012

TOP FIVE WORST PLACES FOR A DIVORCED WOMAN TO MEET A NEW SPOUSE IN FAIRFAX, VIRGINIA

1. In front of a coin operated washing machine. Clue: This guy can’t afford his own.


2. Her divorce lawyer’s office lobby. One person on the rebound adds more than enough spice to a relationship.


3. Her place of employment. Use your noggin! What happens when the relationship ends?


4. Any support group with the any of the following words in its title: Rage, Alcohol, Drug, or Sex.


5. Prison.

March 2, 2012

BEST 5 THINGS TO SAY TO YOUR SPOUSE IF YOU WANT TO SABOTAGE A COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE MEETING OR A DIVORCE MEDIATION SESSION

1. Geez, you look horrible.


2. All of our friends are so thrilled we’re getting divorced, as none of them actually like you.


3. I’ve been unfaithful to you since day 1 of our marriage, including, without limitation, with your best friend and at least 2 of your siblings. I can’t remember all the details.


4. You’re a terrible lover and always have been. But, there’s good news: I’ll be using my experiences with your inadequacies for good, as you’ll be featured in an upcoming Northern Virginia Magazine article for which I was interviewed: “What Do You Do When Your Spouse Is Lousy in Bed?”


5. For Women: I told the kids Uncle [fill in the blank] is their real father. For Men: I told the kids my girlfriend is their real mother.

February 21, 2012

10 TIPS ON HOW TO GET YOUR WIFE TO WANT TO HIRE A FAIRFAX DIVORCE LAWYER

1. Speak in a foreign accent at all times (Spanish, French, whatever floats your boat).


2. Call her “mamacita,” always, not matter what the context.


3. Become a Star Wars Fanatic. Wear a Chewbacca costume. Don’t ever take it off.


4. Remove the seats from all the toilets in your house.


5. Come on to her mother and/or her father, frequently.


6. Stair at other women at every opportunity. Tell her exactly what you find most attractive about each of these women.


7. If she asks if an item of clothing makes her look fat, tell her yes, even if it doesn’t. Better yet, don’t wait for her to ask the question.


8. Become a cigar smoker, indoors only.


9. Complain about her on her friends’ Facebook pages, everyday, preferably multiple times a day.


10. Inform her you want to be “the wife.”

February 11, 2012

I Talked To Some Divorce Lawyer In Fairfax, And He Said The Collaborative Process And Mediation Are Pretty Much The Same. Is That True?

No. There are some similarities: Both the collaborative process and mediation are forms of alternative dispute resolution and both are used to help divorcing couples reach settlements and avoid court. However, there are also key differences: In the collaborative process, the attorneys attend and take part in most settlement talks, providing on the spot legal advice and advocacy, but not in a way which is adversarial. Instead, a collaborative attorney focuses on making sure the interests of his or her client, and the client’s children, are met with solutions that are also in the best interests of the family as a whole.

In mediation, the mediator is neutral and while he or she facilitates discussion and may provide legal information, a mediator is not permitted to provide legal advice. Legal advice, if the spouses desire it, comes from attorneys, but these attorneys usually do not attend the mediation sessions, as they are not officially part of the mediation process and tend to advise their clients following sessions and can sometimes be adversarial in their approach.

January 31, 2012

A FEW OF THE BEST TIMES TO CONSIDER CONTACTING A NORTHERN VIRGINIA FAMILY LAW ATTORNEY ABOUT A PRENUP.

1. Company, Firm, Corporation, Etc.:
   If you’re a business owner, you should consider a prenuptial agreement, as, upon divorce, you otherwise could wind up having to compensate your wife or husband for a portion of the business’ value; in a worst case scenario, you won’t have the cash to do this, and you could wind up having to sell the business.


2. Real Property:
   If you own a house prior to marriage, you should consider a prenuptial agreement because, as you pay down mortgage principal on the home during the marriage, or make improvements to it, you’re otherwise creating a marital interest in the home, and you will probably have to compensate your spouse for part of its equity upon divorce.


3. Greater Income:
   If you make much more money than your fiancé, you should consider a premarital agreement because otherwise everything you earn during the marriage will probably be considered marital property and will likely be divided 50/50. Also, if your income’s significantly higher than your fiancé’s, upon divorce, you’ll otherwise likely wind up paying him or her alimony.


4. Bigger Net Worth:
   While premarital funds are not supposed to be divided upon divorce, you should consider a prenuptial agreement because, otherwise, sometimes these funds can be transmuted into marital, divisible assets through re-titling of accounts, mixing premarital funds with funds earned during the marriage, etc.

January 22, 2012

THINGS TO DO PRIOR TO DIVORCE MEDIATION, IF YOU WANT THE BEST RESULTS AND TO AVOID THE COST OF TIME SPENT IN THE FAIRFAX COUNTY CIRCUIT COURT WITH YOUR LAWYER.

1. Imagine civilized discussions (not a joke) and bring a positive attitude to the table.


2. Outline a few possible parenting arrangements. Consider what you might like to see in a day-to-day schedule and what might make sense as to holidays and other school breaks, factoring in what’s truly in your children’s best interests and fairness to your spouse.


3. Assemble and organize your financial documents for the last couple of years. Do not show up for mediation with a grocery bag full of random papers, tattered, and stuck together by some mysterious substance.


4. Aim for an equitable split of property and debts, understanding that it is uncommon for a divorcing couple’s standard of living not to take a hit when they divorce, as 2 households are always more expensive than one.


5. Retain a divorce attorney to advise you between mediation sessions and to review any agreement you reach before you sign it. Mediators may provide legal information, but not legal advice.

January 12, 2012

5 Predictors of Divorce Most of the Best Northern Virginia Divorce Lawyers Don't Even Know

1. Red state residents divorce almost a third more of the time than blue state residents.


2. If one spouse is a tobacco user and the other is not, that couple has almost double the probability of divorcing as does a couple where both spouses use tobacco.


3. A couple who has a female child has a slightly better chance of divorcing than a couple who has a male child.


4. Women who marry younger men divorce over fifty percent more often than women who marry older men.


5. Couples who give birth to multiples divorce almost twenty percent more frequently than couples who have children, but do not have multiples.

January 12, 2012

A FEW FICTIONS ABOUT COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE HEARD AROUND NORTHERN VIRGINIA

1. You only need one lawyer when doing a collaborative divorce. FICTION!
   Each spouse requires a collaboratively trained attorney to do divorce via the collaborative process.


2. If two spouses are cooperative, settle their case, and do not litigate against one another, they’ve had a collaborative divorce. FICTION!
   For a divorce to be done through the collaborative process, divorcing spouses must enter a collaborative participation agreement, in which they agree to be open and honest, to utilize interest based negotiations, to commit to finding a resolution that is in the best interests of their families, and that their lawyers will be settlement counsel only.


3. Collaborative Divorce is cheap. FICTION!
   It would be more accurate to say most of the time the collaborative process is less costly than going to court, both monetarily and psychologically, and that the spouses receive a better value for the money that they spend.


4. If spouses hit a roadblock in their talks, their only way around it is to go to court. FICTION!
   When necessary, mediation, arbitration, and other forms of dispute resolution, besides litigation, can be used to help a couple get passed a stalemate on a particular issue.

December 29, 2011

Top Tips For Northern Virginians Who Desire to Make Best Efforts at Aggressively Avoiding More Affordable, Less Painful Divorces

1. Retain the Costliest, Pit Bull Lawyer In Fairfax County.
   Do this even though you have an average salary, few assets, little debt, and you are pretty sure you can work out child custody, visitation, and child support with your cooperative spouse. Do not consider hiring a settlement oriented divorce lawyer, and close your mind to less painful, more reasonably priced, better for you and your family options like Collaborative Divorce and mediation.


2. Be Unprepared.
   Provide none of the documents and information your attorney requests. Alternatively, get your lawyer everything he or she requests, but do so late and present your documents as a disorganized mess stuffed in a garbage bag.


3. Phone Your Lawyer with Reckless Abandon.
   Call about every individual question that pops into your head, without delay. Do not listen to the answers and advice you receive. Repeat this pattern daily without factoring in that you are being charged every time you contact your attorney.


4. Focus on Payback.
   Focus all your energies and resources on making your spouse pay for every awful thing they did during your marriage. Do not focus on your (or your children’s) future and your (or your children’s) needs moving forward.

December 19, 2011

TOP 5 REASONS WHY THE COLLABORATIVE PROCESS BESTS LITIGATION AS THE WAY TO DIVORCE FOR NORTHERN VIRGINIANS

1. More Affordable
   A collaborative divorce is most often more economical than going to court. In Fairfax County, it is not unusual for lawyers’ fees in a litigated divorce to surpass $100,000. On the other hand, collaborative cases tend to be significantly less contentious, and thus less costly.


2. More Efficient
   Litigated divorce cases, particularly when kids are part of the equation, tend to last at least a year, and sometimes significantly longer. Collaborative cases usually come to a close in a much shorter time period; typically, a settlement can reached in a few months.


3. Less Pain
   Because spouses are striving to reach mutually beneficially settlements, instead of battling it out in court without regard for the effect this has on one another and their children, the collaborative process involves less pain for everyone involved.


4. More Say
   You and your spouse get to decide the terms of your settlement. On the other hand, when you go to court spouses roll the dice and put their fates and their children’s in the hands of a complete stranger, the judge; rarely are either side’s expectations meet, and often both spouses are unhappy with the result.


5. Less Angst and Worry
   As you will negotiate in a safe envelope in the collaborative process, rather than duking it out in litigation, you will suffer less angst and worry less. Divorce is never pleasant, but collaboration almost always leads to a more tolerable divorce experience.

November 29, 2011

New Year’s Resolution: Divorce

Is getting divorced on your list of New Year’s resolutions? If so, you are not alone. Historically, January is one of best times of the year for Fairfax divorce lawyers, as it one of the busiest. There are many theories as to why this is the case. A difficult holiday season can be the last straw for many stressed couples. Parents who have decided to divorce want their kids to have just one last holiday together as a family. People are just too busy around the holidays to start divorce proceedings.

Whatever the reasons, the new year can represent a chance to start a new life. If you have reached the point where you know divorce is the right resolution for you and you want to do so in peaceful, more affordable manner that focuses on the best interests of your family, we can help you accomplish that goal this year. Just give us a call.

November 19, 2011

5 TIPS FOR DIVORCED PARENTS DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON

1. Be Dependable. Follow the parenting plan. Make sure you’re on time for all transitions of the children from one parent to the other.


2. Communicate with the Children. If the children are with your ex-spouse during the holidays, call them and wish them a Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukah. Send them cards. Perhaps celebrate with them on some other day besides the actual holiday.


3. Let the Children Communicate with Your Ex-Spouse Make sure the children know they should feel comfortable communicating with the other parent. If necessary, encourage them to do so. If the kids are young, help them with this. Also, be sure the kids receive all cards and other communications from the other parent.


4. Consult with Your Ex-Spouse about Gifts for the Children. Your children might give you and your ex-spouse similar lists of desired holiday gifts. Do your best to avoid giving a child the same gift that your ex-spouse is getting for him/her.


5. Allow Your Child to Care for Both Parents Assist your child with creating or purchasing a present for your ex-spouse. By doing this, you are giving your child a tremendous gift, feeling comfortable to love his/her other parent openly in your presence.

November 9, 2011

A COMMON QUESTION HEARD BY NORTHERN VIRGINIA COLLABORATIVE PROFESIONALS: WHY IS IT NECESSARY FOR COLLABORATIVE DIVORCE LAWYERS TO WITHDRAW IF AN AGREEMENT IS NOT REACHED IN A CASE?

While the following is by no means an exhaustive list; the following are a few key reasons:

1. The spouses will work harder to settle if they know they must hire new lawyers to go to court.


2. The lawyers cannot give up and get a second chance in court – they lose their jobs if the parties don’t settle.


3. The lawyers are able to focus 100% of their skills on settling the case.


4. The spouses will be more honest if they know that no lawyer in the process will be able to cross-examine them later if the case does not settle.


5. Negotiations take a place in a safe envelope – attorneys who are not going to court do not saber rattle or make threats.

October 29, 2011

10 Tips for a Better Post-Divorce Holiday

1. Plan Ahead. If you have children, know exactly where they will be spending each of the holidays. Often, the Marital Settlement Agreement that we draft for you includes a very specific visitation schedule for each of the holidays. Working out in advance where the children are going is not only good for them, but also for your own state of mind.


2. Create New Traditions. Don’t dwell on what you used to do with your ex-spouse. Start new rituals. In a few years, those will be part of your memories and the things you look forward to repeating each year.


3. Reassure Your Children. Let them know that the holiday celebrations will continue, though they may be a bit different. The kids can help you brainstorm to come up with new ways to celebrate and new family traditions around the holidays.


4. Be Flexible. If you don’t have the kids on the actual holiday, pick another day to celebrate with them instead. Co-parenting is all about being flexible.


5. Spend time with Friends and Supportive Family. When the kids are spending holiday time with the other parent, plan a fun day spent with close friends or family. If you are feeling isolated, lonely or depressed, don’t be afraid to ask them for help.


6. Make a Schedule. Like Santa, make your list of tasks and goals to accomplish this holiday season and set target dates to get them done. This will help you feel more in control and less stressed.


7. Take Care of Yourself. Make sure that you are getting the right amount of sleep. Exercise and eat healthily. These things can make a big difference in your emotional state and your outlook.


8. Be Realistic. There is no such thing as the “picture perfect” holiday. Holidays can be stressful. The first year after divorce is tough. Remind yourself it’s okay to feel sad. You are only human.


9. Rest, Relax and Recharge. Plan some time that is just for you, whether that means going to a spa for the day, or just taking a long bubble bath with a glass of wine and your favorite music.


10. Remind Yourself That Things Will Get Better. Take it one day at a time, one holiday at a time. Things will get easier. It will hurt less. Right now, just concentrate on one thing at a time.

October 20, 2011

Can't Buy Love

"I Don't Care Too much for Money, for Money Can't Buy Me Love.” – The Beatles

As divorce lawyers, we sometimes hear things like, "if we could only win the lottery, my spouse and I would never fight again." In fact, one of the number one things married couples fight about is money. With the recession hitting so many of us these last few years, there has been that much extra strain on marital relationships.

The recent news, however, of two big celebrity divorces challenges the notion that money can solve all your marital problems. It’s reported that Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore will be splitting more than $200 million when they dissolve their six year marriage. Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries each made millions last year, yet their marriage lasted only a few months. So, perhaps the Beatles were right.

October 20, 2011

Top 10 Best Things About Divorce – For Men

1. No one bugging you about pulling over to ask directions when you’re lost.


2. You can hang the Nerf basketball hoop on the door of the living room.


3. You don’t have to be nice to your mother-in-law anymore.


4. Not having to answer, “Do I look fat in this?”


5. Nobody glaring at you for being online for more than, say 5 hours.


6. No more sleeping on the couch because your snoring is too loud.


7. No more arguing over dinner: “Pizza!” “Sushi!” “Pizza!” “Sushi!”


8. Save money on anniversary cards.


9. You can drink milk out of the carton with a clear conscience.


10. Sole custody of the remote control and recliner chair!

What would YOU add?

September 30, 2011

Top 10 Best Things About Divorce – For Women

If you are in the midst of a divorce, you probably don’t need anyone to point out the bad things about it. You have probably heard plenty of well-meaning, if not always useful, advice too. So here, we will celebrate the best things about divorce. It’s the light at the end of the tunnel!

1. You can go the movies anytime you want, or just stay home and eat ice cream.


2. You can have a cat. Or a dog. Or BOTH!?”


3. You don’t have to be nice to your mother-in-law anymore.


4. No more pee splashes around the toilet or razor stubble in the sink.


5. You can buy as many pairs of shoes as you want.


6. If you want cereal for dinner, you eat cereal for dinner.


7. You can experiment with all those weird vegetarian recipes you’ve always been meaning to try.


8. You can walk around the house in your underwear and not be expected to want sex.


9. Rearrange the furniture.


10. You can take hours to decide what to wear and nobody will mind.

What would YOU add?

September 20, 2011

Bizarre Divorce Products

While surfing the internet for interesting divorce news, we came across a list at the British website www.oddee.com of divorce-related products and services. We have included the highlights below. Who knows, one may be just perfect for you!

1. Wedding ring coffin. Give a dead marriage its proper final resting place. Don’t forget to choose your custom plaque! WeddingRingCoffin.com.

2. Divorce Gift Registry. Did your ex get your favorite tea kettle and plush Egyptian cotton towels in the divorce? Not to worry, now you can head down to the department store and register for some more. Hopefully all those family members who said it wouldn’t last will be willing to chip in and buy you a little, “I told you so” gift.

3. Divorce Cake. We all know that the cake is one of the most important parts of the whole wedding hoopla. But what happens when you get divorced? Well, you get a cake. Apparently, at least one bakery has found a market for divorce-themed cakes. www.sprinklescakes.net

4. Detachable Playhouse for Children of Divorced Parents. The reconfigurable playhouse lets children of divorced parents “play out” complex domestic issues – it can be configured into separate houses for each parent, and can even be configured to have a separate house for the new partner. http://www.benformandesign.co.uk/project/detacho-playhouse/

5. Divorce Ring. With this ring, I thee wed . . . and with this one, I thee . . . divorce? That’s right – jewelers Spritzer and Furman created this symbolic ring to commemorate the ending of a marriage. http://jewelry.1stdibs.com/jewelry_item_detail.php?id=24948

For couples where there are many to details to consider, the Marital Settlement Agreement can be quite complicated and lengthy. In other cases, where a couple does not have any children together and does not have joint assets or debts, the Marital Settlement Agreement can simple and brief.

In all cases, the drafting of the Marital Settlement Agreement is an important first step in the divorce process, and should be handled by an experienced divorce attorney.

September 10, 2011

Divorce Sucks, Northern Virginia Collaborative Divorce Lawyers Can Help It Suck Less

Okay, so we borrowed the slogan from a Nicorette commercial, but the sentiment is true. The process of going through a divorce can feel like working a second job, with so much to take care of and think about. Can you trust your spouse to be financially fair, or will he or she try to bankrupt you out of spite? How can you protect your savings, your property and your income? Will the divorce scar your children? What about relationships with elderly parents, extended family members, friends, and even beloved in-laws?

The answers may lie in Collaborative Divorce. Collaborative divorce professionals recognize that dismantling the life you have built together involves many factors, legal, financial and emotional. That is why a collaborative divorce team can include not only lawyers, but also financial professionals and mental health professionals. Together, the team has as its goal coming to an efficient, fair, and equitable resolution of all the issues involved in your divorce.

Ultimately, we recognize that divorce is never fun. However, the right team collaborative professionals can make it easier and less stressful – helping your divorce suck less, and helping you move on to a happier, healthier life.

August 30, 2011

In a Virginia Divorce, What is a Marital Settlement Agreement?

A Marital Settlement Agreement, also called a “Separation Agreement” or “Property Settlement Agreement” is an agreement between separating spouses that lays out the details of the couple’s separation. You will rarely find two Marital Settlement Agreements that are exactly alike, because different states have different rules about what must be spelled out, and because each individual couple will have their own set of circumstances to consider.

When we draft a Marital Settlement Agreement for our clients, we always consider issues such as child support, spousal support, child custody, division of assets, and division of debts. In addition, other issues, such as life insurance or pet care, can be addressed.

For couples where there are many to details to consider, the Marital Settlement Agreement can be quite complicated and lengthy. In other cases, where a couple does not have any children together and does not have joint assets or debts, the Marital Settlement Agreement can simple and brief.

In all cases, the drafting of the Marital Settlement Agreement is an important first step in the divorce process, and should be handled by an experienced divorce attorney.

August 30, 2011

Prenuptial Agreements: Romantic, No. Smart, Yes (At Least for Northern Virginians Seeking to Avoid Messy Divorces).

Of course, no one likes to think about the possibility of divorce while in the blissful first stages of a romance. However, Prenuptial Agreements can be a particularly useful tool for high-net-worth individuals, small-business owners and those entering a second marriage, particularly if they have children from the first one.

One of the most expensive celebrity divorces ever was the split between Steven Spielberg and Amy Irving. The couple actually had a prenuptial agreement, however, it was written on a napkin, without the presence of an attorney. The judge threw it out, and awarded Ms. Irving approximately $100 million dollars, representing half of her ex-husband’s earnings.

The lesson here: make sure you both seek legal counsel for prenuptial advice, and that you write it on real paper!

August 20, 2011

Kales and Kales’ Top 10 Phrases for Wives Who Never Want to Visit a Divorce Lawyer

1. “You are so right.”


2. “You look like you had a tough day at the office. Why don’t you just sit and relax while I get you a beer?”


3. “Going golfing again today? Great! Have fun.”


4. “Dinner’s ready!”


5. “Of course you’re not going bald.”


6. “I’d much rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.”


7. “Your mom’s coming to visit for two weeks? Fun! ”


8. “Wow, you’re right, that IS a much better way of doing it. Thank you so much for your advice!”


9. “Shouldn’t you be down at the bar with your buddies?”


10. “Are you kidding me? I’m ALWAYS up for THAT!”

August 10, 2011

Kales & Kales’ Top 10 Phrases for Husbands Who Never Want to Visit a Divorce Lawyer

1. “You are so right.”


2. "Those jeans look kind of baggy. Do they come in a smaller size.”


3. “I too cannot believe my mother said that. What a *&^%!”


4. “Do you look like you’ve been at home eating bon-bons all day? No way, you amazing and beautiful mother of my children!”


5. “Girls night out? Every night this week? I’m in charge of the kids? Awesome!”


6. “I am so sorry. I too cannot believe I did that.”


7. “I acknowledge my domestic ineptitude, but I’d like to help. What can I do?”


8. “Did I have a long, hard day? No, not in the slightest, and certainly not in comparison to the nonstop bickering, whining, complaining, crying, pouting, excuse-making, fit-having, and punch-throwing over which you presided.”


9. “Too many shoes? No way! You need more.”


10. “Yes.”

July 30, 2011

Breaking News: United States Seeking a Divorce

At Kales & Kales, we normally focus our attention on helping individuals through the divorce process. However, we were recently approached by Speaker of the House John Boehner and Rep. Nancy Pelosi, who asked for our help. It seems that the United States needs a divorce. According to Reps. Boehner and Pelosi, the Republicans and Democrats have put up with each other for years, for the sake of future generations, but no longer. Years of disagreements over every aspect of the country’s welfare have taken their toll. Therefore, they will go their separate ways. The country will be divided down the middle, and the Republicans and Democrats will live separate and apart from each other, free to make their own decisions and laws without the hassle of having to compromise. We are working on the Separation Agreement.

July 20, 2011

Facebook and Your Healthy Relationship: Not a Good Marriage

We know what we post on Facebook can get us into trouble at work, and even with the law, but what about in our marriages?

A 2010 survey, by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, found four out of five lawyers report a steady increase in the number of divorce cases involving Facebook.

Two-thirds of the lawyers surveyed called Facebook the “primary source” of evidence in divorce proceedings.

The statistics include not just evidence of infidelity, but also evidence that can be used against parents in child custody cases, such as the use of illegal drugs, or excessive drinking. What’s more, the evidence comes not only from the pages of the two people involved in the divorce, but also from photographs posted by friends and colleagues on their own pages.

Our advice? Think twice before posting that status update. It can easily cost you in a divorce. Use your privacy settings wisely, and don’t post photos that you don’t want everyone, including your husband or wife, to see.

July 10, 2011

“I’m All for Mediation . . . Just Not With That #$%*!”

Mediation is a faster, cheaper, and most importantly, less acrimonious alternative to a traditional, litigated divorce, and parents who mediate have a better long-term relationship with their children. However, if you can’t stand to be in the same room with your spouse, if you can’t get past saying hello without an argument, how are you supposed to work together to reach an agreement about the terms of your divorce?

A trained and experienced mediator can help you overcome settlement hurdles by:

1. Helping you define the issues and set the agenda for the discussion;


2. Maximizing your communication;


3. Keeping your conversations productive and focused when you find yourselves fighting the same old battles; and


4. Guiding you toward making rational decisions that you both agree are fair.

Ultimately, our experience, here in Fairfax, Virginia, has shown us that when a couple ends their marriage in mediation, each party leaves the marriage emotionally better off than they would have done otherwise. Although divorce mediation is about breaking up, it can also help begin the healing process.

July 10, 2011

WHY HIRE A LAWYER FOR A VIRGINIA UNCONTESTED DIVORCE?

At Kales & Kales, PLC, we focus a sizable portion of our practice on fast, easy, low-cost, uncontested Virginia divorces. If you are wondering whether you need to hire a law firm or a lawyer to handle your case, consider the following:

People who handle their own cases are rarely viewed favorably by the court. Do not be surprised if you are not welcomed with open arms if you appear in court without an attorney. The judges and staff will expect you to follow the same procedures as lawyers, and rarely cut unrepresented individuals any slack.

1. It is illegal for judges and court staff to give you advice or help you. The brochure, written by the Fairfax County Circuit Court, cautions, “Court personnel are prohibited by state law from giving you legal advice or assistance.” In other words, do not expect any help trying to figure out the vague and confusing instructions often given by the staff at the court.

2. If you hire an attorney, you do not even have to appear in court. The Commonwealth of Virginia allows final decrees of divorce to be granted without requiring any court appearance, if the party who filed the divorce is represented by an attorney.

3. If you hire a lawyer, your divorce will probably go through without a hitch. An attorney will draft your settlement agreement, so it properly captures your intent, get the agreement to your spouse for signing, file all the necessary papers with the court, and take care of any issues that might come up in the process, so your divorce is completed efficiently and without difficulty.

4. A lawyer will probably save you time and money. The idea a lawyer may save you money may be difficult to believe, but for someone who does not do divorce work on a regular basis, it can take hours and hours just to figure out and complete the required paperwork. Add to that, time you have to take off, from work, to get the paperwork signed, copies made and filed with the Clerk’s office, as well as at least one court appearance.

June 30, 2011

Northern Virginia Lawyers Support a Mix of Collaborative Divorce Models

Collaborative attorneys in Fairfax County, Arlington County, Loudoun County, etc. use several collaborative models in their cases. Some prefer one model; some prefer another; some prefer to take a flexible approach, choosing the model they use, for each case, based on the facts and circumstances of that case. Models, with which we are familiar, include the following:

1. Lawyers only


2. Lawyers with single coach and no financial


3. Lawyers with financial and no coach(es)


4. Lawyers with single coach and financial


5. Lawyers with two coaches and financial


6. Lawyers with two coaches, financial and child specialist


7. Lawyers with two coaches and no financial


8. Lawyers with mediator

In short, collaborative cases can take multiple forms, none of which is “better” than any of the others. HOWEVER, there are certain important consistencies in all Collaborative Divorce cases, and these are the elements that make a case collaborative: (1) the professionals’ job is to help the spouses reach a settlement that is in the spouses’ best interests, and, when applicable, that is in the spouses’ children’s best interests; (2) there must full disclosure (transparency) of all information relevant to the case; (3) no threats related to court are allowed (i.e., “saber rattling” is taboo); and (4) the lawyers may not litigate for the spouses.

June 21, 2011

WHY MIGHT SOME NORTHERN VIRGINIA DIVORCE LAWYERS BE STRUGGLING TO ACQUIRE COLLABORATIVE CASES?

Our sense is attorneys have to believe the Collaborative Process is a good choice, before clients show interest, and many family law attorneys are not convinced the benefits of the “disqualification clause” outweigh the cost, that you'll need to find new counsel if the case falls out.

The benefits, in our minds, are the clause provides a safe envelope within which the parties can negotiate, as saber rattling and threats are not allowed, and litigation planning does not play a role (i.e., nobody's holding their cards). We’d also note we see at least as many litigation cases where 1 of the parties switches attorneys mid-stream, as we see collaborative cases fall out.

During our consultations, we outline process options: "kitchen table," traditional negotiations, mediation, collaborative, and litigation, explaining the goal with all of these options, except litigation, is settlement. With collaborative, we tend to emphasize the safe envelope concept, and that all professionals involved are inside the process, working to get the parties to a settlement.

At Kales & Kales, our biggest obstacle in landing more collaborative cases, is the dearth of trained collaboratively trained lawyers and collaboratively trained lawyers who, for lack of better of way of putting it, are just not that into collaborative. Most people who hire us have some interest in collaborative, but their spouses often do not hire attorneys who are trained and enthusiastic about going this route.

June 12, 2011

WHY HIRE A LAWYER FOR A VIRGINIA UNCONTESTED DIVORCE?

At Kales & Kales, PLC, we focus a sizable portion of our practice on fast, easy, low-cost, uncontested Virginia divorces. If you are wondering whether you need to hire a law firm or a lawyer to handle your case, consider the following:

1. People who handle their own cases are rarely viewed favorably by the court. Do not be surprised if you are not welcomed with open arms if you appear in court without an attorney. The judges and staff will expect you to follow the same procedures as lawyers, and rarely cut unrepresented individuals any slack.


2. It is illegal for judges and court staff to give you advice or help you. The brochure, written by the Fairfax County Circuit Court, cautions, “Court personnel are prohibited by state law from giving you legal advice or assistance.” In other words, do not expect any help trying to figure out the vague and confusing instructions often given by the staff at the court.


3. If you hire an attorney, you do not even have to appear in court. The Commonwealth of Virginia allows final decrees of divorce to be granted without requiring any court appearance, if the party who filed the divorce is represented by an attorney.


4. If you hire a lawyer, your divorce will probably go through without a hitch. An attorney will draft your settlement agreement, so it properly captures your intent, get the agreement to your spouse for signing, file all the necessary papers with the court, and take care of any issues that might come up in the process, so your divorce is completed efficiently and without difficulty.


5. A lawyer will probably save you time and money. The idea a lawyer may save you money may be difficult to believe, but for someone who does not do divorce work on a regular basis, it can take hours and hours just to figure out and complete the required paperwork. Add to that, time you have to take off, from work, to get the paperwork signed, copies made and filed with the Clerk’s office, as well as at least one court appearance.

June 2, 2011

Top Tips From Experienced, Fairfax Divorce Lawyers and Mediators on How to Survive Divorce

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” – E.M. Forster

No one plans to get divorced when they enter a marriage. It is hard to let go of the future that you and your spouse had planned together. As seasoned, Fairfax divorce attorneys, though, we have heard enough, and experienced enough, to be able to provide you with a few survival tips:

1. Emotions such as anger, panic and fear should not guide your decision-making. Understand your options (some of the best are collaborative divorce, mediation, and uncontested divorce – avoid court, if you can) focus your energies, and then make informed decisions.


2. Decide on your goals and keep them in perspective (do not be inflexible).


3. Try to keep the channels of communication open with your spouse, to stay calm, and to avoid allowing tensions to escalate in an already difficult situation; keep things as amicable as possible.


4. Fighting on principle, or just to fight, is a bad decision. It can lead to a long-term war with devastating economic and emotional consequences.


5. Do your best to negotiate a settlement agreement. If you allow the Virginia court system to decide your case, you lose control of your possible outcomes, and if you don’t like the result, your only remedy may be a long, costly appeal that keeps your life in limbo.

may 25, 2011

Why Kales & Kales, PLC Recommends Collaborative Divorce for Arnold and Maria:

1. The collaborative process is designed to be less time consuming than a litigated divorce, which can drag on for years until the courts bring “Termination: Judgment Day.”
2. Collaborative resolutions tend to last through the “End of Days,” as they are reached through a process in which clients have more control, and are more sustainable over longer periods of time
3. Collaborative divorce helps end the emotional battle, the anger, upset, fighting, and “True Lies.”
4. Collaborative divorce will limit the “Collateral Damage” to the emotional health and well-being of the children, both during and after the divorce.
5. Collaborative divorce encourages transparency and voluntary production of documents between the parties, so they can rest assured that there has been “Total Recall” of all financial statements.
6. Collaborative Divorce results in a financial settlement that is respectful to both parties according to their needs both now and in the future, so that they can “Jingle All the Way” to the bank.
7. Collaborative attorneys are not required to behave like “Predators” fighting to defeat their opponent. Instead, they encourage the highest level of ethical and moral behavior among themselves and their clients.
8. A collaborative lawyer knows the best way to serve the client’s interest is to achieve a settlement that preserves the dignity of both spouses and serves the best interests of the family, so that no one gets a “Raw Deal.”
9. Collaborative divorce is more private than a contested divorce, and avoids the “Red Heat” of the public spotlight.
10. In the end, a collaborative divorce will allow them to bid each other, “Hasta la vista, Baby,” with no regrets.

may 18, 2011

The Top 3 Advantages of an Uncontested Divorce, from the Perspective a Fairfax Divorce Lawyer

1. The first and most obvious advantage of an uncontested divorce is, of course, cost. Uncontested divorce is almost always a less expensive way of getting divorced than other avenues (with the possible exception of pro se divorces, i.e., divorces wherein parties serve as their own attorneys). As one Fairfax County judge wisely quipped when describing the financial cost of divorce: Parties can make the decision to pay for their children’s college educations, or they can make the decision to pay for the college educations of their attorneys’ children. Obviously, by agreeing to the terms of settlement, on their own accord, and not engaging in complicated discovery processes, or prolonged litigation, legal fees are kept to a minimum.

2. The level of conflict between you and your spouse remains low, but privacy remains high. By agreeing to the terms of your marital settlement agreement, conflict is minimized. While the Agreement you reach, with your spouse, is ultimately filed with the court, and becomes a matter of public record, any discussions you have with your spouse, and any disclosure made before reaching agreement, are kept private.

3. Control of the process remains with you. As opposed to having a judge make decisions regarding property division, debt allocation, support and/or child custody and visitation, you and your spouse decide how to resolve the issues resulting from the marriage’s dissolution. Although your attorney in an uncontested divorce will give legal advice, and offer his or her opinion as to a likely court outcome, the ultimate decision making power remains in the hands of the parties.

may 12, 2011

3 Tips on Choosing a Collaborative Divorce Attorney in Northern Virginia

1. Choose someone who is collaboratively trained. Beware of the attorneys who say they are “collaborative” or “cooperative” or “willing to reach settlement.” Make sure the attorney you choose has formal collaborative training. Formal collaborative training gives attorneys knowledge of the collaborative process, teaches them to be creative problem solvers, and hones their skills dealing with other professionals engaged in the process, as well as engaging with opposing parties and counsel in a respectful and effective manner.

2. Be willing to accept recommendations from your spouse’s attorney. If your spouse has already consulted with and chosen a collaborative attorney, often times your spouse’s attorney can be a great resource for you when selecting your own attorney. Collaborative lawyers often keep lists of other collaboratively trained attorneys with whom they work well. Do not look upon suggestions suspiciously. In a collaborative context, it is always better if the opposing attorneys get along on a personal and professional level.

3. The internet is full of information. Both the Collaborative Professionals of Northern Virginia (CPNV) (http://www.cpnova.com) and the Virginia Collaborative Professionals (http://www.vacollaborativepractice.com/site/) maintain websites with attorney listings, which include biographical and professional information. Attorneys listed in these databases are formally trained and are part of these respective organizations.

may 4, 2011

Divorce Mediation Works. Results in Higher Client Satisfaction For Couples In Fairfax County, and Beyond.

Divorce mediation not only works, with agreement being reached in as high as 80% of cases, it also leaves participants with a better taste in their mouths than many, who engage in traditional litigation, experience. In one study, 69% percent, of respondents who mediated, were somewhat to very satisfied with their chosen divorce process, as opposed to 47% percent of respondents who engaged in adversarial traditionally-litigated divorces.

Mediation was particularly helpful, the study revealed, in assisting clients deal with anger. Moreover, clients had higher satisfaction rates with regard to spousal support, property settlements, and parenting schedules and arrangements.

Perhaps the difference between satisfaction rates can be attributed to the fact mediation allows for creative problem-solving by both the parties and the mediator. Family law involves complex issues, both financial and emotional. When parties are assisted in identify their goals and interests, they are often able to find common ground and make compromises to reach a settlement.

March 26, 2011

Top 10 Advantages to Collaborative Divorce

1. Is most often faster and cheaper than divorce litigation

2. Strives for comprehensive, enduring settlements, not court battles

3. Lessens the impact of divorce on children

4. Preserves confidentiality

5. Decreases the level of conflict between spouses

6. Places importance on preserving family relationships

7. Ascertains and deals with the interests and concerns of both spouses

8. Assists couples, going through divorce, with preserving a feeling of honor and respect

9. Helps divorcing spouses to communicate with each other

10. Allows couples to determine the terms of their divorces, instead of judges

March 10, 2011

How does God feel about Collaborative Divorce and divorce mediation?

We, at Kales & Kales, PLC, filed for an advisory opinion from God about the utility of the Collaborative Process and mediation for Northern Virginia Couples who seek an amicable, less costly way to divorce, and, to date, not surprisingly, have not received a reply. That said, a Fairfax, Virginia Rabbi tells us God is a big supporter of virtually of all processes that help couples deal with their marital difficulties, without resorting to the court system; and, he cites the bible, in doing so:

“Let there be no quarrel between us for we were once family; let us separate gently; if one goes north, may the other go south; if one goes east, may the other go west. May your house be your house, and may my house be my house, and may strife and contentions not rule our hearts.” Interpretive Translation, Genesis 13:8-9.

Are we fibbing a bit? Maybe. But, you get the point.

June 7, 2010

VaCP Announces Video Contest Winner:

The Virginia Collaborative Professionals (VaCP) has announced the winners of its Collaborative Divorce Video Contest. The contest received ten entries from all over the world, which were judged by a panel of arts and media professionals and collaborative divorce professionals. View the winning entry, “The Collaborative Road - A Better Way to Divorce.”