Divorce lawyers work with marital issues daily. They are in a unique position to share their thoughts about marriage truths they come across in their line of work.
1. Don’t Underestimate the Benefit of the Doubt
Too many couples who find themselves in a divorce attorney’s office attribute negative motives to the things their spouse does. However, giving a partner the benefit of the doubt should not be underestimated.
Even if the partner who is looking for the good in their spouse gets it wrong, it will not hurt anyone to look for the best in someone. It may even help the relationship.
2. Don’t Let things Go Until It’s Too Late to Make Things Right
Divorce lawyers suggest that couples do not leave it too late to work on their marriage. In fact, they suggest working on it while things are still good. That work can be anything from regular date nights to counseling.
3. A Lasting Marriage is more about Tolerance than Love
A mistake that many people make, is marrying their partner thinking that they can change his or her quirks, or at least improve upon them. However, as we get older, our quirks magnify.
If one partner can tolerate the other partner’s quirks, then the marriage has a better chance of surviving. But, if they cannot tolerate them before marriage, they are not going to cope in the future. While tolerance may not be romantic, is it important for a lasting relationship.
4. Don’t Forget to Shower Your Spouse with Attention Once in a While
Who doesn’t want to feel attractive, wanted, and capable? Too many spouses turn to someone else when they are shown attention or affection that they are lacking in their relationship.
5. Time Your Discussions
If there is something that needs to be discussed, timing is important.
Whether it is an apology, a criticism, or a decision that both partners should be involved in making, it is vital to have the discussion when each spouse is at their best.
Before addressing the conversation, partners should determine the most constructive setting to ensure both people are able to give their full attention to the matter, be it over a glass of wine after work, having a smoothie after gym, or before the kids wake up in the morning.
Divorce lawyers admit to marveling at how clients try to accomplish a conversation regardless of their partner’s readiness to receive information and how disappointed they are when that partner ignores their attempts at a dialogue.
For example, bringing up an issue on a Sunday night when one spouse suffers from the Sunday back-to-work blues, or even straight after work when both parties are tired, is a bad idea.
6. Put One Another Before the Children
While some couples may not like this advice, especially if they are parents, partners who put their children first often drift apart and find their relationship heading towards divorce.
We are all busy, and it is easy to put everything above the relationship, such as the bills, the house, careers, and even the children.
This is not a healthy practice in a relationship. While many parents want to put their kids first, if they neglect to put their partner first, the marriage eventually sours, and that is not in their kid’s favor.
Couples who value their marriage will choose to put it first.
7. Communication is Key to a Steadfast Relationship
Many couple’s reason for seeking a divorce their love life, finances, and drifting apart.
Divorce attorneys work with couples whose complaints are really the symptoms that have led them to a lawyer’s office, and not the cause of their dwindling relationship.
The cause, though, seems to be a lack of consistent communication.
Couples who make a point of scheduling time to talk about what is going on in their lives and relationship and to express their feelings, tend to have more successful relationships.
8. You Cannot Change Your Spouse
Couples often want to change each other. Whether it is trying to get a partner to wear different color shirts to what they prefer or trying to get them to be more experimental in bed. But, we need to accept that our partners are who they are and we cannot change them.
9. Listen Actively
How many couples actively listen to one another during an argument? Partners should aim to understand each other’s point of view, even when they disagree.
It is important to acknowledge how both party’s feel, show one another that you care, and validate each other’s opinions.
10. The Little Things Count
Marriage is, and should be, work. But, it should also be worth the effort.
Couples should aim to cherish the little things, take time out to just be a couple, and attempt to speak one another’s love language.
Love changes and evolves with the relationship, and so should the couples.
11. Marriage Doesn’t Get Any Easier – No Matter How Many Times You Walk Down the Aisle
A common complaint that divorce attorneys hear is that a spouse is drinking, or sloppy, or irresponsible with finances and the kids. What they don’t realize is that it does not get any easier when they move on to a new relationship.
Marriage is about putting in the hard work, and if couples cannot do that, they should not get married. The second, or even third, marriage, is certainly not going to be any easier than the first. In fact, it will probably be more difficult.
Are You Looking for a Divorce Lawyer?
If you have tried everything you can to improve your marriage and still feel like divorce is the only solution, or you would like professional and compassionate advice, a Fairfax divorce attorney can help. Contact us for an appointment.