1. Speak in a foreign accent at all times (Spanish, French, whatever floats your boat).
  2. Call her “mamacita,” always, not matter what the context.
  3. Become a Star Wars Fanatic. Wear a Chewbacca costume. Don’t ever take it off.
  4. Remove the seats from all the toilets in your house.
  5. Come on to her mother and/or her father, frequently.
  6. Stare at other women at every opportunity. Tell her exactly what you find most attractive about each of these women.
  7. If she asks if an item of clothing makes her look fat, tell her yes, even if it doesn’t. Better yet, don’t wait for her to ask the question.
  8. Become a cigar smoker, indoors only.
  9. Complain about her on her friends’ Facebook pages, everyday, preferably multiple times a day.
  10. Inform her you want to be “the wife.”